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Monday, 27 October 2014

Leg Pain and Imbalance

I am in a lot of pain now. I just want to kill myself. My right leg has altered sensation. When I touch it with something cold (even changing clothes) gives me excruciating pain. it hurts like hell. It is also painful when  using toilet. ;'(
And since yesterday my both legs feel weak, like I have no muscles in them. I have so much trouble walking because I lose balance. I walked from Church to home and cried because of the pain and how weird my leg was. Please Lord, Please Please Please Help and Save me. I cannot Cope. :'(s

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Optic Neuritis AGAIN :'(

Yes. I have Optic Neuritis again. It started yesterday morning while in train. Out of nowhere my right eye got weird. I thought it was the mascara on my eyelashes,

As the day went by, it cleared.

Today I woke up and I felt the weirdness again. its on the top part of my right eye as like in January this year. I have been wearing glasses all day, it seems to help ignore the blurness.

Also I had a flu jab today

BUT I AM SCARED. I do not know what caused this. I am crying and crying. I will not help with the ON, but I have no choice. I hate MS.

Please God, Help me. :'(

Friday, 6 June 2014

Hello.. 1/3 Medical Engineering done

SO.. I finished a a year of University without much problems.

Revision and Exam period was hectic, I was under constant stress about the exams and on top of it all, the stress about MS. But, I pulled through. I had my First Driving Practical test yesterday and I failed miserably, but oh well, next time.. :-P.

I am waiting for my Exam results and I am not expecting much, because I know I tried my hardest.

My weight-loss... hmm.. During university times, I did not pay attention to it at all. But the day after my last Exam, I have started Calorie counting again. I have lost about 11 kg (~24 lbs) from the highest weight I have been at. I still have a long way to go (~80 lbs... :"(  ).

I have lots and lots of friends now... (even a massive crush.. hehe). Only two of my friends know about my condition and they are very supportive.. especially when I had an ON episode in the middle of Statics Exam... hyuuuoooo that was one of the most scariest thing... but GOD helped.. he helped me a lot..

Now that I am free... I will try to post more.. <3

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Optic Neuritis Episode-- I am scared. :'(


I am crying while writing this post. I have no idea why I am suffering the way I am.

In 2012, I had optic neuritis in my left eye and it cleared after 6/7 months and took a year off university. But I do not have 100% vision like I had before the onset.

Now I have it in my right eye for a few days now and it seem to get worse. I just want to cry and cry and cry.

I pray everyday and does everything.. But there is no escape for this pain. I just feel like giving up. But I can't.

I can't quit, not now.

I feel like I have no one.

The last time I had problems was a day after I had a fight with my dad.. This eye problem also started a day after I had a fight with him. I just want to go back in time and just be normal again.

I cannot tell anyone. I am alone, unloved, scared, depressed, and uncertain about my future.

I do not know what I can change. MS seem to change me. and I do not like it. In fact, I hate it.

Tuesday, 3 December 2013


Hello everyone,
I have not been posting anything since 17th September and today its 3rd December.. o_O.
I have been very busy with University and coursework and lab and everything.
I was symptom free till last week. So from July till end of November!!.. yay..

I started a sore throat two weeks ago and I had a flue jab last week. Then I was under constant pressure for 2 weeks to submit a major coursework and I can feel it taking an effect one me. :'(

I have

  • 24/7 pain/burning pain in left leg, from my hit to toe in patches
  • achy neck
  • slight double vision
  • fatigue
  • trouble concentrating

Rebif Update.

I started Rebif on February this year, and guess what my 12th Delivery is in a week.. :-O
I need to get my nurse to re-prescribe the injections for future.
No more flu-like symptoms, but I still take paracetamols

I have MS Nurse appointment tomorrow for a regular blood test because I take Rebif.

Remember me in you Prayers.

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Back to Uni

Sorry I haven't been posting for a while. I was just focusing on me.
I have been going to couselling for the past two months and then driving lessons and then calorie counting.
Today I go back to University again after taking the year off because of the relapse and then the diagnosis.
I am very scared because NEW YEAR, NEW STUDENTS, NEW EVERYTHING.
My cousellor have been trying to help me to stop being so paranoid and treating everything as a possible trigger for a relapse. But i am just abt 1/100 of the way there. Its too hard.
Please remember me in your prayers. I hope I can continue going to University and not take leave again.
I will let you all know how it goes. :-)

Monday, 17 June 2013

Heavy hands

Like when I had the first relapse in October 2013.. I am having a relapse where my symptoms are escalating quickly. Within an hour, I cant really lift my left hand up. It feels like a tonne..

I will not be able to post for a while. Bye.

:-*... :'(.